I’m Going To Watch Every Single Episode of The X-Files For The First Time

I’m 36 years old and I’ve maybe seen one episode of The X-Files in my life before today. There’s an embarrassing reason for that. I was scared of it. At least when it debuted in 1998 and I was thirteen years old. I remember this was right around the time my parents wouldn’t give a shit how late I stayed up so long as I didn’t have school the next day. I had maybe a thirteen inch TV/VCR combo with an antennae on it in my bedroom that received around five channels. I would use this new found freedom to stay up as late as I possibly could, just watching bullshit on it.

Whenever The X-Files or Unsolved Mysteries and their accompanying freaky ass intro music would pop on, there would be a quick “nope” and a change of the channel. Maybe Fresh Prince re-runs were on or if I was really lucky a random ass movie on NBC or ABC (one of the free channels the antennae received).

As I write this I realize this was probably one of my early experiences with anxiety. As I’ve grown older this affliction has turned into medical anxiety (I die a lot in my head).

Don’t make it weird, I feel like most of us have some kind of bullshit. Right? The point I think I’m trying to make is that I didn’t even know if the show was actually scary or not. I was just filled with anxiety (a word that wasn’t used back then) about spending the rest of my night freaked the fuck out alone in my room at 3AM. So, I changed the channel every single time.

Probably a good decision, considering that one night I did finish alien abduction film Fire In The Sky and it ROYALLY fucked with my head for years in a not very serious kind of way. I simply learned that aliens freaked my ass out.

I would duck by windows at night if alone, fearing a beam would suck me out of the window. We lived in a country area in Kentucky and when I would run the trash cans to the end of the road, if there was nobody around to bare witness to my possible upcoming abduction, I would book it back to the house afterwards. Like, full out sprinting.

In summation, aliens scare the shit out of me. However, I am fascinated by them.

All this grew into a fascination as an adult with alien abduction films. I even write a column on Bloody Disgusting called ‘Aliens Scare Me’ which in some way or fashion this whole experiment may leak into at some point.

So, without further “this is your life” crap (Apologies, I wanted to paint the picture) I will, as they say in more distinguished circles….get the fuck to it. I’m going to be watching every single episode of The X-Files for the first time as a no longer scared (maybe, kind of) adult and I’m going to write about each episode afterwards. This article was supposed to be the first episode but I’ve spent so long rambling I think I’ll save that for next time.

If you‘re’ a fan of The X-Files and want to experience the series (and subsequent movies) again through someone else’s unspoiled (I don’t know fuck all about what happens) eyes, then I invite you to follow along. Or if you haven’t seen them either and want to get into some weird alien shit with me, maybe you could watch along and we could do this together. All the episodes are on Hulu.

Either way, what I’m trying to say is follow me, you fuck. More to come.

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Mike Holtz

A walking f*ck you to the movie algorithm. Covering the movies nobody talks about. New/Old/Action/Horror/VOD "Bury me with my giant screen TV. "